When I came home from Vietnam, I thought the war was behind me.
But the truth is, the hardest part started after I stepped off the plane.
I was young, battle-worn, and carrying things I didn’t yet have words for. There were no parades. No hero’s welcome. Just an eerie silence and a country eager to move on—while I was still stuck in the jungle… in my head.
That was the start of what I now call flying down the rabbit hole—a disorienting fall into nightmares, anger, isolation, and guilt. I didn’t know it then, but I was battling PTSD. And losing.
I tried to outrun it—through alcohol, through silence, through pretending I was fine. But pain has a way of finding you, no matter how fast you run.
What changed? Honestly, one day I looked in the mirror and realized I didn’t recognize the man staring back. That wasn’t the soldier I fought to save. That wasn’t someone my brothers would’ve died for. So I made the hardest choice of my life.
I chose to live.
I got help. I found other vets who understood. I started sharing my story. And little by little, the rabbit hole turned into a ladder.
I’m still climbing. But I’m no longer alone.
For Anyone Still Struggling: Here Are 5 Things That Helped Me Climb Back Up
1. Talk to someone who gets it.
Therapists are great—but fellow vets? They get it. A support group, a VFW hall, even an online forum can make a world of difference.
2. Move your body.
You don’t have to run marathons. Even walking or light workouts help clear the mind and calm the nerves. For me, working with my hands became therapy.
3. Write it down.
Some memories are too heavy to say out loud at first. Writing them down privately can be a first step to letting go of what’s been locked inside for years.
4. Serve others.
I thought I had nothing left to give—turns out, helping other vets gave me everything back. Purpose heals more than you’d think.
5. Don’t be afraid to need help.
Needing help doesn’t make you weak. It means you’re still fighting. The VA isn’t perfect, but there are people there who care. Don’t stop looking until you find them.
You’re not broken. You’re battle-tested.
And if you’re still falling down that rabbit hole—reach out. There’s a hand waiting to pull you up.
If I made it out, you can too.
Hooah.